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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:02 am 
PM me. I'd be interested to hear what you are going through.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 1:52 am 
I’m not registered, so I cannot send PM
I know it is very extreme post; I just wanted to see what people think about it. I think I felt like this about 2 years ago, than I realized that if I would kill my self I would badly hurt some people (my mother and father) so I decided not to kill my self, but still don’t understand the reason to live. I have a problem with letting things go, and when my girlfriend dumped me I couldn’t get over it. I guess it is pretty common problem. Anyway until now I think all the people who killed them selves, because they couldn’t live with out love are heroes in some point.
Who are you?

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2005 2:28 pm 
Well first of all let me say I'm very glad you decided not to end things. Life can be tough (that's putting it lightly) and very emotionally draining. It can be very difficult to make sense out of the "Whys?".

To answer your question I'm a thirty-year old mother of two. I live in a small town in Michigan. I am a certified Reiki Master in two different forms as well as an Ordained Minister (non-demoninational). I have been on the spiritual path since I was a very little girl. Let me define to you the "spiritual path". The spiritual path is not a religion, rather it's the awakening to the truth of our existence. It is about finding our place, purpose, and connection in the universe. It is finding our own inner truth and what resonates as truth within your being. But most importantly it is about finding love and finding your way home. Myself I was a very young reader. My interest started in Astrology when I was seven years old. I had unexplainable out-of-body experiences starting at the age of six. (I can't tell you how terrifying they were to me.) I continued my study/practice/searching throughout the years covering everything from major religions, ancient cultures, philosophy, to psychic abilities, divination, elemental work, and energy work. What I have found is that while no religion is 100% accurate, there are many truths buried within all of them. There are common themes among them. And while studying/practicing many different areas I was able to find what I was looking for. My own truth and connection to the divine.

When I was twelve I was abused by my stepfather. Up until then my family and I enjoyed a pretty "normal" upbringing. After I reported him my life and that of my brother's changed dramatically. We "lost" all the grandparents, aunts, and uncles we had grown to love over the years on my step-dad's side because they thought I was lying. (Even though later it was revealed that my step-father had been abused as a child.) My mother turned into an alcoholic and was rarely home. Everyone at our small school knew or heard what had happened. It was a very difficult time for us. My mother could no longer afford the home and I ended up trying on three different homes and schools within the next year. I was devastated and ended up seeking professional treatment for depression. I felt so alone and so very unloved. Even though I was more "awake" than others on the spiritual path I was still much too young to make sense of it. So even though my situation was a little different, I wanted to share with you that I have been there before as well. And it's a very sad, dark, and lonely place to be.

Spiritually I can tell you that there are only two basic emotions. Love and Fear. Fear can manifest as anger, depression, frustration and so on. And really Fear (once you trace the origin of this emotion) is only the absence of love. Humans have one main thing in common and that's that we all want to feel unconditionally loved and accepted. Many of us seek that through our relationships but to have a truly strong and healthy mentality we must learn to love ourselves. That I know can seem like a daunting task. Especially as we are confronted constantly with our own guilt and regret. Many people turn to religion in such times of need only to feel heartbroken once again. I say this because many religions focus on "becoming perfect" to attain God's favor or save us from damnation. This in turn creates a feeling of "seperation" from the divine energy (God) as feelings of unworthiness creep into our thoughts. So we just end up feeling even crappier about ourselves. Over the years I've learned and been shown some pretty incredible things. Life is not all we've been programmed to believe. It is much more wonderful, magical, and empowering than we could ever imagine! I share this with you because I've seen many people begin their spiritual journey once they have reached a certain breaking point. This is when we become almost comletely disheartend and begin to "see" that so many things just don't make sense. You sort of get this F*** the world attitude! I give up! I can't do it anymore. Then you begin to actively seek that which you have felt to be missing.

I can offer you assistance if you like. Either simply practical or spiritual or a combination of both. As I stated before I know what it's like to feel that way. It sucks! But if you chose to go it some other way that's fine too. In the end I encourage everyone to find their own way but I also know that sometimes a little help and guidance can make it easier.

Take care of yourself ok?

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:37 am 
Sorry for the late replay I was out for some time.
Thanks very much for your advices, I wish I can find woman with so much sense as I can see on you.
I’m trying to figure how to get up in the morning and have the good mood to do things. I have so many things to do, but I’m not able to find the motivation to do anything. I think if I would be in love with the right girl I would have motivation for everything and I think I would have so much more success in everything. I know it is not good idea to be emotionally attached, but I always do it this way. Usually I build my dreams on top of the relationship and than when I get dumped all my dreams are gone. That’s probably why it takes me more than 2 years to get over my ex.
Should I try to build my self discipline slowly and do one little thing on regular basis every day? Or should I change my life completely in this very moment? Anyway I don’t know if I will have the good mood to do it. Also I’m done with any kind of religion as I think as John Lennon in the song Imagine. I think religions are the reason that people fight and hate each other. I think I will figure it out soon or later, but I’m glad for any suggestion…

PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 2:21 am 
Maybe if I could explain why depression seems to linger on endlessly that may help. Bare with me okay? We are all energetic beings. In fact all matter in our world (including life forms) is at it's most basic level: "energy". The difference in "consciousness" or "awareness" of matter is (in my opinion) based on how high that energy vibrates and the frequency in which it resonates. We as human beings define our reality in any given moment. Outside circumstances don't. We define our reality by our thoughts, intentions, and actions. The most basic beliefs about ourselves whether good or bad manifest themselves in our lives. If we feel unloved and undeserving of happiness our lives will reflect lonliness and sorrow.

In order to change how we experience the world we must learn to change our beliefs. Do you believe you are worthy of love? Do feel that you deserve happiness? Do you feel that you deserve money? How do you think you may have manifested a lack of something in your life based on your current beliefs about yourself. Once you begin to honestly ask yourself these sometimes painful questions and seek the origin of such beliefs true healing will begin. I've found that personally some of my beliefs were ingrained on my consciousness by my parents or society. Some beliefs I came to realize were created out of my own sense of fear, regret, or guilt. It's funny how certain life situations or experiences stay ingrained in our subconscious minds long after we've consciously forgotten about them. But just because you no longer remember them does not mean that they still don't govern your life. Think of thinks that attract you, and then think of things that repel you. Then think about why that is so.. Question everything you've ever been taught or think you may know. In the end patterns will begin to emerge and you'll be like "Ahhh, I can't believe I didn't see that." You'll also notice that you've been way to hard on yourself. Most people are way more forgiving to others than they are to themselves.

A good way to unlock what is still influencing you subconsciously is to maintain a dream journal. You need only jot down a few lines upon awakening. Usually this enough to recall the entire dream upon reading it. There are techniques I can share with you if you have a hard time remembering your dreams. Pay special attention to recurring dreams or dreams with similar themes.

I know this sounds like hard work. In a way it really is. But you have no deadlines and no pressure. Just take a little time each day to reflect and ask and answer a few questions honestly. Aside from that I think you should really think about activities that motivate you. What motivates you? A good book? A certain type of movie? Talking with a certain friend? Whatever it is you have to find it. You need motivation right now. And don't over think, just do. People who are depressed often spend too much time thinking and not enough of just doing. If you have to, force yourself to take a walk outdoors. When I was depressed I didn't spend much time outdoors. I've since noticed that there is a certain beauty and simplicity found within nature. Just watch the animals or the trees. Life seems so easy for them. Everything in nature seems to come natural right? Life can be the same for you. Once you confront and then release all that has been sitting on your shoulders you'll feel new again.

Anyway once you find the motivation, try new things. Be creative. Make something with your own hands. It's an amazing feeling to bring life to something that is all you. Take a class in something that really interests you but you never really explored. (It's also a great way to make friends that you have something in common with.) And sure you won't like everything you try, but you won't know if you don't.

Another great thing to do to take the focus of yourself and give yourself a break mentally is to help someone else who is having a rough time. It's easy when you're depressed to not feel like doing anything and live in your head thinking about "me", "me", "me". Part of healing is spending time reflecting on yourself (like I've outlined above), but not beating yourself up. There is a difference. The past is long gone and the future is unseen. The only moment we ever really live in is "now". Life is a series of "nows". Don't waste yours. You have too much to offer yourself and the world. Be your ideal.

It will be a frustrating and oftentimes painful journey out. Depression is numbing and coming out of it requires you to reawaken once again to your pain and fears. But the rewards are greater than you could ever imagine. You will experience moments of great awe and illumination. Moments of profound peace, oneness, and love that you never thought possible. Your realizations will be your salvation. I wish I could give away the answer, but I can't it. It must be experienced.

Take things one day at a time, and don't be hard on yourself. Keep me posted. Let me know if you have questions or hit a roadblock. I'm here for you anytime. I might be delayed a day or two but I will get back to you. All these things can help you begin your journey, if you truly want to make it.

Take care and good luck!![;)]

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:07 pm 
hey your talking stupid now. You know life ani't perfect and it takes a strong person to deal with it and a chicken to try to escape

PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:11 am 
karmer is the anser,even if not spelled right.

PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 12:49 pm 
[quote][ Also I’m done with any kind of religion as I think as John Lennon in the song Imagine. I think religions are the reason that people fight and hate each other. I think I will figure it out soon or later, but I’m glad for any suggestion…

Imagine by John Lennon is my favorite song[:)]

[quote]I think religions are the reason that people fight and hate each other.....)

You've hit the jackpot there, thats my thinking too [;)]

Keep your chin up, everthing happens for a reason as they say, even though at the moment it doesnt feel like it.
You will find love when your not looking for it and least expect it, and "like attracts like" if your more postive in your life, you will attract a postive girl, who is simliar to you.

PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 6:29 pm 
Fear,and ignorance, seem to be the root of a lot of pain in this world
Love and understanding is the answer to much....
This includes loving yerself first though...
one must realize that veryone is creating this world we live in, and if we refuse to be part of the problem hard enough, we may just be lucky enough to be part of the answer................

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